Audio Book: Đường xưa mây trắng của Ht. Thích Nhất Hạnh

Đường Xưa Mây Trắng là cuốn sách kể chuyện đời đức Phật Thích Ca qua con mắt của chú bé chăn trâu Svasti, sau xuất gia, trở thành một vị đệ tử của Phật. Đó là chú bé cúng dường cỏ bồ đề cho sa môn Tất Đạt Đa tĩnh tọa suốt 49 ngày trước khi thành đạo.

Tác phẩm là một thiên anh hùng ca tỏ bày lòng ngưỡng mộ chân thành trước một lối sống gương mẫu đầy những hành vi và mục đích cao cả, thu hút bạn đọc bởi nhân cách vĩ đại của Buddha qua cái nhìn và ngòi bút của Thầy Thích Nhất Hạnh.

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Posted in: The Buddha's Teachings

Forgiveness: The Spiritual Tonic

Perhaps, during the course of your own journey, you have crossed paths in some way with a person who seemed capable of forgiveness at a truly impressive level. For me, Terry Anderson is such a person. Terry Anderson was kidnapped by Shiite extremists in Lebanon and remained in captivity for close to seven years. His story, retold in his book Den of Lions, is one of many horrors. Yet Mr. Anderson has worked actively on forgiving his captors! Would I be so forgiving? Or would I instead allow myself to become bitter, resentful, dwelling on the status of victim?

That resentments are harmful to our health was discussed in an earlier article. Forgiveness is the solution to resentments. But the process of forgiveness is no simple matter. It is more helpful to think of forgiveness as an on-going process rather than an isolated incident, particularly when what we are trying to forgive is part of a pattern rather than an isolated relationship. Many of us struggle, for example, with forgiving our parents for various omissions or even for patterns of abuse and neglect. Such a task for forgiveness will likely be an ongoing process.

The first step on the forgiveness road is to decide if we even want to forgive. Resentments, after all, give us a sense of protection from those who hurt us. They serve as a type of armor. When considering dropping our resentments, we may feel vulnerable. But forgiving does not automatically mean that we remain in or renew a relationship. If the patterns that we are trying to forgive are still there, it may in fact be better for us to forgive while at the same time removing ourselves from the relationship.

We also hesitate at the doorway to forgiveness because we may believe that, if we forgive, we are saying that the offense is no longer a big deal. In other words, we may assume that forgiveness includes condoning. But it is possible, even important, to forgive while at the same time continuing to hold the person accountable. This is a variation on the old adage "Hate the sin, love the sinner."

Sometimes, too, we get caught on the folk saying "Forgive and forget." Again, this may not be a good idea, particularly when dealing with a person who remains at risk to hurt us again. I can forget something in that I allow it to become part of history, something which is in the past and no longer has any power over me. But I remember it as a reference point if the offending person continues the pattern which hurt me.

Power is a key to understanding forgiveness. If I still resent someone, then that person still has some power over me. For example, if, when I think of a bully who beat me up when I was twelve and can still feel a knot of anger in the pit of my stomach, then that bully is still in charge. But when I forgive, I reclaim the power which was stolen from me by that bully. Thus, forgiveness benefits first and foremost the person doing the forgiving!

We cannot forgive something without acknowledging what was done to us. For example, if I was badly abused as a child, I cannot reach a point of forgiveness unless I reach a point where I can acknowledge the abuse. This may seem straight forward but many adults who were abused as children remain protective of their parents, minimizing what was done to them or blaming themselves ("I was bad and deserved what I got.") To forgive, I must face the reality of what was done to me.

This facing of reality also includes facing feelings about what happened. This may include accepting anger or beginning a process of grieving. If I face my parent's abuse of me, then I may need to grieve over the parent I did not have.

The path of forgiveness will be explored further in a future article. At this point, you may have a sense that it is a difficult path. I tend to be wary of persons who claim to have forgiving a terrible affront within minutes of it happening. Such flippancy minimizes the offense and, most likely, is part of a pattern of denial. Because the path is so treacherous, it is one that sometimes should not be traveled alone. It is a path that may benefit from the companionship of a pastor or rabbi, a good friend, or even a counselor.

By Richard B. Patterson
5/28/98

Richard B. Patterson is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.

Source: http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/articles/spirituality

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Posted in: Psychotherapy,The Buddha's Teachings

Anger: What is it? and Why

Anger is one of the most misunderstood and overused of human emotions. First, anger is a reaction to an inner emotion and not a planned action. Second, anger is easier to show: everyone gets angry. Third, the feelings underlying the anger reaction make us feel vulnerable and weak; anger makes us feel, at least momentarily, strong and in control. Fourth, angry behaviors are learned over the life-span and therefore can be unlearned and replaced with healthier patterns of coping . Fifth, anger can be an immediate reaction to an isolated event or it can be a response after numerous events. To repress anger is unhealthy (Hankins and Hankins, 1988) and yet to express it impulsively, as we so often do, may give momentary relief but inevitably will carry negative consequences (Hankins and Hankins, 1988; Ellis, 1992; Luhn, 1992). To alter our angry responses, we need to understand from where it comes.

There are a variety of factors that increase the probability of an anger reaction. First, if we have seen our parents get angry first and resolve an issue after, we are more likely to use the same approach. Thus, types of anger are learned. Second, if we are frustrated and feel stressed, we are more likely to react with anger. Third, if we are tired, we are more prone to react in an angry fashion. Fourth, if we tend to hold our feelings inside rather than talk them out, we are more likely to have an angry outburst as the pressure increase much like a pressure cooker.

Styles of Anger
Each of us develops their own special style of anger:
- The "Mad Hatter" Driver: This person yells, curses, and offers gestures to other drivers when s/he is in a hurry and frustrated.
- The Sulker: This person shuts down in a chair and stops speaking and looking at others.
Safe Haven Abuser: This person takes her/his frustration out only on the ones s/he loves.
- The Distractor: This person disregards the object of his annoyance by reading the paper, forgetting to run an errand, or playing the radio too loudly. When s/he is confronted, the response is: I didn't know; I forgot; I'm tired.
- The Blamer: This person blames everybody for everything and rarely accepts responsibility for his own short comings.
- The Avenger: This person believes s/he has been given the right to seek vengeance in any way for anything by using the excuse: they deserved it.

Anger Check List -- How is Your Anger?
People tell you that you need to calm down.
You feel tense much of the time.
At work, you find yourself not saying what is on your mind.
When you are upset, you try to block the world out by watching TV, reading a book or magazine, or going to sleep.
You are drinking or smoking marijuana almost daily to help you calm down.
You have trouble going to sleep.
You feel misunderstood or not listened to much of the time.
People ask you not to yell or curse so much.
Your loved ones keep saying that you are hurting them.
Friends do not seek you out as much.

Scoring:
0 - 2 MANAGEABLE you could benefit from relaxation training
3 - 5 MODERATE you need to learn more about what stresses you, and learn stress management techniques
6 + OUT OF CONTROL you have an anger problem that could benefit from learning anger management techniques

Conclusion
Anger reactions have been likened to a train running out of control and about to derail. A little anger can motivate us to take action in positive ways. A lot of anger will make us "red with rage." The price for anger that is out of control will drive away those whom we love the most and endanger our employment.

by Constance McKenzie,

Bibliography
Ellis, Albert, (1992) Anger: How to Live With and Without It, New York:Citadel Press Book.

Hankins, Gary, and Hankins, Carol, (1988) Prescription for Anger, New York:Warner.

Luhn, Rebecca R., (1992) Managing Anger, Menlo Park, Cal.:Crisp Publications.

Source: http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/

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Posted in: Psychotherapy,The Buddha's Teachings

Good Question, Good Answer

Good Question, Good Answer is a book written by Ven. S. Dhammika. It is concerned with general thoughts of Buddhism which are very useful for beginners. This whole book was converted to audio-book. The audio-book was divided into four parts. The voice of reader is very clear and very easy for those who are not very familiar with English - in other words, English is not their native language - to listen to. Hence, I would like to introduce it to you.

Please Click Here To Listen:
Good Question Good Answer, Part 1
Good Question Good Answer, Part 2
Good Question Good Answer, Part 3
Good Question Good Answer, Last Part

And Click Here for its E-book
And Download the entire audio-book

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Posted in: The Buddha's Teachings