'Born into Brothels', Understanding and Sympathy

Review of ‘Born into brothels’ Movie
This movie is Available Here

Born into brothels is a movie about seven children who have ages ranged from 9 to 15 years and live in brothels at the red light district in Calcutta, India.
Zana Briski, a western woman who first went to India in 1995, and three years later she began living with prostitutes in order to photograph them because as she thought that she could not do it as a visitor, she had have to stay with them, live with them and understand their lives. Living in that community Miss Briski was gradually approaching children and she became captivated by the children she met there and ended up getting personally involved in their lives.
Broadly speaking, the documentary proceeds two main tracks related to Miss Briski. One track is about Miss Briski’s decision to give the children cameras (and instruction on how to use them) so that they can take pictures of the world around them. The other track is about her attempts to place the children in boarding schools so they might eventually escape their inevitable destinies - girls are forced into prostitution at ages as young as fourteen and boys are led into lives of crime.
The film showed scenes of a third-world community in which people live in chaos; they behave meanly and unkindly towards others. According Gour (one of the children in the movie): “Nobody lives as filthily as we do in our city”. That is a community in which there are vulgar women and useless, lay-about men, the area is inhabited by lots of kids, the generally fatherless sprigs of little-educated women who fully expect their daughters to join (or replace) them "onto the line" in their early teens.
Through the movie emphasizes Briski’s endeavours in helping children to get a better life. She was facing many problems from the children’s parents and guardians as well as from dealing with India's monumental bureaucracy which has many chaotic government agencies. With all her efforts, she helped the children to go to boarding schools. But eventually, there were only a few of them still studying, the rest were returned to their old lives.
Discussion
My first impression from watching film “born into brothels” was the poor situation of the children. They are very pitiable. Unfortunately, they were born into families in which their parents are uneducated people and don’t have right livelihood. Thus, they don’t take care of and nurture their children reasonably. The community in which the children were living is benighted and squalid. This is an issue needs to be concerned about. People in that community usually use bad words and speak mean things in their communication. They behave towards others not well, in general. This is a factor more or less influenced children’s personality.
Although the children were born into such disadvantaged setting, their childish characteristics were not lost. They still had plain favorites such as flying kite, painting, etc. And a common among them was that they all wanted to go to school. They want to learn and want to find a better life. This is clearly demonstrated when they were come to Zana’s class, they were very excited and very happy at her class.
Another issue from the film which made me so sympathetic with the children is that they had to work from very young age. They were forced to do works when they are not strong to do them such as washing dishes, carrying water, and so on. In spite of being small children, they had deep thoughts such as they want to photograph in order to picture lives around them, to express their interests as well as their hopes, their thoughts. And especially, they want to have a happy life, no matter poor or rich.
Western woman, Miss Zana Briski, in the movie is really a respectable person. She left her convenient life in a developed country in order to come and live at such uncomfortable community and try to help children and women behind closed doors. She has done in any way she can to help them. She taught the children, brought happiness to them, and helped them to go to school, helped them to get rid of their benighted area. She was not discouraged while facing many problems from the children’s families and from issues related to procedures of application for school, for passport, etc. With all her efforts, she brought six of eight children to boarding schools. Unfortunately, at the end of the movie there were only three of them still studying, the rest came back their old lives.
Besides, this documentary movie brought to us many scenes which present disorder and dusty houses as well as unwholesome activities behind closed doors of the brothels. These things indicated that beside modern places, beside very bright and beautiful houses and luxurious villas, there are many houses in bad conditions in which there are many wretched people living. This is a dark side of Indian society and other developing countries as well. It needs more effort of authority people as well as society to help them out of that pitiable situation.
The movie also refers to personal and collective responsibility in community, particularly responsibility to compelling issues. Each person as well as collective has to be aware of their responsibility to their own activities, social issues and to others. We should not live only for ourselves. We must be aware of one important thing that we can not live without the others, we can not live isolated far from society. One is a cell of entire body of society. Hence, one must care about the community in which one is living. In the movie, the film maker highlighted irresponsibility of collective to issues of the children. Miss Briski tried to bring the children to schools in order that the children can be educated and can change their destiny, but she was facing not few problems from the children’s families and from outside, especially in administrative procedures. There are many inconvenient things in administrative system in Indian society. For a foreign person, this problem is more difficult. For example, they required many unnecessary papers and procedures and took too long time than usual in other countries.
Moreover, this movie presented the transformative power of art. Through art activities Miss. Briski approached children and people in brothels; through art activities she helped them to understand real society, brought them to zoo and sea beach in order to open their eyes, to give them new thoughts and new aspects of reality from which they can be more positive to live, their ambitions and hopes can be emerged and have more possibility to become real. And also from art she helped the children to express their abilities, their thoughts as well as their viewpoints to their surroundings. From this we can recognize that art have special potential in communication as well as in rehabilitation, especially to psychological issues.
One more things, according to me, the movie highlighted is the discrimination and right of education in Red light district in particular and in Indian society in general. Discrimination on gender, class and race are big and long historical issues in Indian society. Until modern time these issues are still existing in this nation. These issues result in many unfair problems such as large number of uneducated people and too many poor people in society. Although Indian people have carried out many solutions, these problems have not changed much. To solve these problems, one of effective and primary solutions is originated from education. We can utilize education as a means to change inherent thoughts of discriminations. Through education, educated people can have more opportunities to change their destiny, to have good lives as well.
Last but not least, I want to mention about the prostitutes. Do they all have bad personality? Are they blamable people and should we keep far away from them, behave unkindly towards them? As what the film displayed, most of the sex-workers are forced to become a prostitute. They were become sex-workers by force from their family, from their guardians. Some of them became sex-workers because in that situation they don’t have any opportunities to choose other works for their livelihood. There are only few people became prostitutes by their own desires. If girl children in those brothels grow up without education they would be forced to become sex-workers, even they are force to do so at very young ages. For instance, there is a woman’s statement with a small girl in the movie that: “she will be onto the line soon”. They hence are more pitiable than blamable. We should sympathize with them and help them out of their unacceptable works. In fact many of them wanted to get out of their bad situations, but external society did not give them any opportunities to do so. This was illustrated clearly in one statement of a principal of a school when Miss Briski came and discussed with her on education for the children in the film that: “No one will take them”. What a merciless statement it is! Perhaps this is not her personal thinking; it is a common thought in Indian society. That is why those brothels existing and developing in this nation. It is the time for Indian authorities and international organizations carry out strong solutions for these issues to help unfortunate people out of their bad situations.
Conclusion
This film has given a crucial lesson for researcher in research methods, particularly in qualitative research, that researcher have to be involved the situation in which their topic is relevant to. This is a valuable lesson from Miss Zana experience, she stated that: “I knew I couldn’t do it as a visitor. I wanted to live with them, stay with them and understand their lives”. Thus, qualitative researchers want to study any issue they have to understand the settings of the issue, understand situation from which issue emerged and think of them with both subjective and objective aspects, not only subjective. In other words, qualitative researchers want to study an issue, they have to be involved in the situation of the issue, without this they can not have a correct analysis of their collected data and can not have right interpretations.
Art has special power in transformation and rehabilitation of psychological issues so that as psychologists we need to learn how to utilize possibility of art in our works in order to improve productiveness in therapy programs as well as in social works.
The film appealed to our responsibility for our society. There are many compelling issues existing in our community, around us, which need our concern, we can not live irresponsibly. Especially, educator and authorities need to take care of these. Education is a productive means to help unfortunate people get out of their poor situations, so that right of education needs to be given to everyone in society.
Finally, we should sympathize with unfortunate people, particularly prostitutes in this movie, and should not blame them, should not view them as depraved people and keep away from them. They are also victims of unjustified society, victims of discriminations. And they are suffering so much in their life. We should not put more burdens on their shoulders. Likewise, we should open our mind to accept sex-workers’ children into schools so that they can be educated and whereby they can get out of their bad conditions.

- Minh Nguyen -

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Posted in: Psychotherapy

Forgiveness: The Spiritual Tonic

Perhaps, during the course of your own journey, you have crossed paths in some way with a person who seemed capable of forgiveness at a truly impressive level. For me, Terry Anderson is such a person. Terry Anderson was kidnapped by Shiite extremists in Lebanon and remained in captivity for close to seven years. His story, retold in his book Den of Lions, is one of many horrors. Yet Mr. Anderson has worked actively on forgiving his captors! Would I be so forgiving? Or would I instead allow myself to become bitter, resentful, dwelling on the status of victim?

That resentments are harmful to our health was discussed in an earlier article. Forgiveness is the solution to resentments. But the process of forgiveness is no simple matter. It is more helpful to think of forgiveness as an on-going process rather than an isolated incident, particularly when what we are trying to forgive is part of a pattern rather than an isolated relationship. Many of us struggle, for example, with forgiving our parents for various omissions or even for patterns of abuse and neglect. Such a task for forgiveness will likely be an ongoing process.

The first step on the forgiveness road is to decide if we even want to forgive. Resentments, after all, give us a sense of protection from those who hurt us. They serve as a type of armor. When considering dropping our resentments, we may feel vulnerable. But forgiving does not automatically mean that we remain in or renew a relationship. If the patterns that we are trying to forgive are still there, it may in fact be better for us to forgive while at the same time removing ourselves from the relationship.

We also hesitate at the doorway to forgiveness because we may believe that, if we forgive, we are saying that the offense is no longer a big deal. In other words, we may assume that forgiveness includes condoning. But it is possible, even important, to forgive while at the same time continuing to hold the person accountable. This is a variation on the old adage "Hate the sin, love the sinner."

Sometimes, too, we get caught on the folk saying "Forgive and forget." Again, this may not be a good idea, particularly when dealing with a person who remains at risk to hurt us again. I can forget something in that I allow it to become part of history, something which is in the past and no longer has any power over me. But I remember it as a reference point if the offending person continues the pattern which hurt me.

Power is a key to understanding forgiveness. If I still resent someone, then that person still has some power over me. For example, if, when I think of a bully who beat me up when I was twelve and can still feel a knot of anger in the pit of my stomach, then that bully is still in charge. But when I forgive, I reclaim the power which was stolen from me by that bully. Thus, forgiveness benefits first and foremost the person doing the forgiving!

We cannot forgive something without acknowledging what was done to us. For example, if I was badly abused as a child, I cannot reach a point of forgiveness unless I reach a point where I can acknowledge the abuse. This may seem straight forward but many adults who were abused as children remain protective of their parents, minimizing what was done to them or blaming themselves ("I was bad and deserved what I got.") To forgive, I must face the reality of what was done to me.

This facing of reality also includes facing feelings about what happened. This may include accepting anger or beginning a process of grieving. If I face my parent's abuse of me, then I may need to grieve over the parent I did not have.

The path of forgiveness will be explored further in a future article. At this point, you may have a sense that it is a difficult path. I tend to be wary of persons who claim to have forgiving a terrible affront within minutes of it happening. Such flippancy minimizes the offense and, most likely, is part of a pattern of denial. Because the path is so treacherous, it is one that sometimes should not be traveled alone. It is a path that may benefit from the companionship of a pastor or rabbi, a good friend, or even a counselor.

By Richard B. Patterson
5/28/98

Richard B. Patterson is a clinical psychologist in private practice in El Paso, TX. He is the author of three books on psychology and spirituality.

Source: http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/articles/spirituality

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Posted in: Psychotherapy,The Buddha's Teachings

Anger: What is it? and Why

Anger is one of the most misunderstood and overused of human emotions. First, anger is a reaction to an inner emotion and not a planned action. Second, anger is easier to show: everyone gets angry. Third, the feelings underlying the anger reaction make us feel vulnerable and weak; anger makes us feel, at least momentarily, strong and in control. Fourth, angry behaviors are learned over the life-span and therefore can be unlearned and replaced with healthier patterns of coping . Fifth, anger can be an immediate reaction to an isolated event or it can be a response after numerous events. To repress anger is unhealthy (Hankins and Hankins, 1988) and yet to express it impulsively, as we so often do, may give momentary relief but inevitably will carry negative consequences (Hankins and Hankins, 1988; Ellis, 1992; Luhn, 1992). To alter our angry responses, we need to understand from where it comes.

There are a variety of factors that increase the probability of an anger reaction. First, if we have seen our parents get angry first and resolve an issue after, we are more likely to use the same approach. Thus, types of anger are learned. Second, if we are frustrated and feel stressed, we are more likely to react with anger. Third, if we are tired, we are more prone to react in an angry fashion. Fourth, if we tend to hold our feelings inside rather than talk them out, we are more likely to have an angry outburst as the pressure increase much like a pressure cooker.

Styles of Anger
Each of us develops their own special style of anger:
- The "Mad Hatter" Driver: This person yells, curses, and offers gestures to other drivers when s/he is in a hurry and frustrated.
- The Sulker: This person shuts down in a chair and stops speaking and looking at others.
Safe Haven Abuser: This person takes her/his frustration out only on the ones s/he loves.
- The Distractor: This person disregards the object of his annoyance by reading the paper, forgetting to run an errand, or playing the radio too loudly. When s/he is confronted, the response is: I didn't know; I forgot; I'm tired.
- The Blamer: This person blames everybody for everything and rarely accepts responsibility for his own short comings.
- The Avenger: This person believes s/he has been given the right to seek vengeance in any way for anything by using the excuse: they deserved it.

Anger Check List -- How is Your Anger?
People tell you that you need to calm down.
You feel tense much of the time.
At work, you find yourself not saying what is on your mind.
When you are upset, you try to block the world out by watching TV, reading a book or magazine, or going to sleep.
You are drinking or smoking marijuana almost daily to help you calm down.
You have trouble going to sleep.
You feel misunderstood or not listened to much of the time.
People ask you not to yell or curse so much.
Your loved ones keep saying that you are hurting them.
Friends do not seek you out as much.

Scoring:
0 - 2 MANAGEABLE you could benefit from relaxation training
3 - 5 MODERATE you need to learn more about what stresses you, and learn stress management techniques
6 + OUT OF CONTROL you have an anger problem that could benefit from learning anger management techniques

Conclusion
Anger reactions have been likened to a train running out of control and about to derail. A little anger can motivate us to take action in positive ways. A lot of anger will make us "red with rage." The price for anger that is out of control will drive away those whom we love the most and endanger our employment.

by Constance McKenzie,

Bibliography
Ellis, Albert, (1992) Anger: How to Live With and Without It, New York:Citadel Press Book.

Hankins, Gary, and Hankins, Carol, (1988) Prescription for Anger, New York:Warner.

Luhn, Rebecca R., (1992) Managing Anger, Menlo Park, Cal.:Crisp Publications.

Source: http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/

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Posted in: Psychotherapy,The Buddha's Teachings

Can Men and Women Be Just Friends?

It's been decades since the witty romantic comedy "When Harry Met Sally" explored the still debatable question: "Can women and men be friends?"

Some people say "No way!" Heterosexual men and women can't be true friends. Blame the hormones! Attribute it to spousal jealousy. Point the finger at the predatory nature of men (and aggressive women) who "want only one thing". Or simply remember that men and women come from different planets, and interplanetary friendships have never worked.

Despite the naysayers, what does the research show and what do the experts say? Since I am one of the experts (this was my dissertation topic), I'd like to share my findings with you.

Despite the stories of Harry & Sally, men and women can be friends without the relationship transitioning into a sexual one. In Jane Austin's time, when men and women lived in separate worlds, their primary attraction to each other was romantic and/or sexual. In today's world, however, men and women live, work and play together.

They are fellow students, colleagues, committee members, bridge partners, tennis buddies and more. This cultural shift has created a new norm in which it's not unusual for people to keep their sexual involvement and friendships separate.

Do some friendships turn into romantic relationships? Yes. And thank goodness for that; it's been the beginning of many a great marriage. A cross-sex friendship, however, becomes difficult when friends are not on the same page with the nature of their friendship or when the friendship becomes threatening to a committed relationship.

So, when you've got a challenge in life, what do you do? Do you give up, saying this is just too difficult, confusing, or baffling for me? Do you avoid the problem? Or do you deal with the challenge?

My take on the matter is - deal with it. Here's how to do just that:

Defining the Relationship
All friendships, even same-sex ones, can have ambiguous and changing boundaries. It can be a shock to you when you view Joan as a very good friend and her behavior indicates to you that she views you as no more than a "tennis buddy". Or, a friendship that you once considered "near and dear", has changed into something much more casual. With cross-sex friendships, the ambiguous boundaries can be even more tumultuous. So, take the time to define the relationship - both in your head and in a discussion with the other person.

Dealing with the Attraction
Let's say one or both of you do feel some physical attraction to the other. Does that doom the friendship or can you learn to live with it? Is there such a thing as harmless flirtation? Innocent sexual bantering? Sexual attraction without the desire to act on it? We too often look for purity in relationships. Some people believe that the only workable cross-sex friendship might be between two homely, asexual people - a nerd and a nun (and an old-fashioned nun at that). Stop fooling yourself. You can be attracted to your friend and choose not to make that attraction the nature of your relationship. Why? The short answer: you are more than your hormones.

Dealing with Others' Feelings
Other people, particularly spouses/committed partners, may feel threatened by your relationship. Do not discount their feelings. If the shoe were on the other foot, you would probably feel the same way.

It is your responsibility to work to integrate the friendship in some manner into your committed relationship. Try including your spouse in on the friendship, either by all of you getting together at times or by not keeping the relationship secret or apart from the rest of your life.

Out of respect for your spouse, you may need to change where and when you see your friend. Lunch may be far preferable to dinner - if you are leaving your spouse feeling home alone and abandoned. Whatever you do, don't make it a secret. Betraying your spouse's trust is a serious matter.

If you've once had a romantic relationship with this "friend" - your spouse may never go for it. You may not want to be forced to choose between an old lover and your spouse.

This is where you have to grow up. For the sake of your marriage, you may have to let go of this friendship. Sometimes, there really is no going back to "just friends." As adults, we sometimes don't get to have it all.

by Linda Sapadin, Ph.D.
Source: http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com

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Posted in: Psychotherapy